Change Agent

As a child, I remember how I always detested proceedings as the academic year came to a close. As we moved on into the next standard, a whole new set of people beckoned as the sections were shuffled.

I hated this, and all the other agents of change. I would be very apprehensive the first day of a new academic session, even though everyone almost knew everyone. I would look around trying to find that one familiar face who I could share a bench with. You could call me an introvert, I was precisely that. I just hated being shaken out of my comfort zone. I would run after the old friends as the bells signalled recess each time, but they were far more forthcoming than I was or ever can be. And before I could realise, they already had a new set of friends.

I would seeth with envy, but I was puny enough to just do that and get on with it. As they say, you get used to everything with time.

These were still the better times. I never anticipated in my wildest dreams what lay in store as I moved on to do my engineering at Vellore Institute of Technology. It was during those years that I developed a strong aversion to travel. I just hated the goodbyes and all the customary send offs and advice given. I hated the 4 hr flights, I hated my companions on board, I hates the food, I was a hate machine. To top it off, it was another 3 hr drive to Vellore from Chennai. God was cruel each of the 8 times he made me do this.

Things were always too fast when it was time to get back to loved ones at home. Not that I detested my life at college, it was just that I was and still am too attached to home. Or should I say Bahrain. I was never bored even if after a while, there was practically nothing to do. I was always the odd one as my friends would always tell tales of how Bahrain has become so boring and the likes, and how they cant wait to get back to college. At the back of my head, I was like, something is definitely wrong with me. Everyone at home was worried too, I still craved more for Bahrain each time every time even at the fag end of my graduation. I still do.

4 years is a long time, and you make lots of friends, few acquaintances, fewer good friends, and a handful of friends for life. And when these handful get scattered across the globe, you know change is setting in again. In my case, I preferred a time machine.

As i moved to SPJIMR Mumbai for my MBA in Finance, I knew life had come a full circle. I was thrown out of my comfort zone yet again, and this time, with fewer people in class my age. I was always considered weird before even with people my age, and now with all the 27 and 28 year olds, I was at odds. You never knew how long it was OK into pulling their legs, and u never knew how they would snap, because I am still puny, relative though.

Just 6 more months remain before I start cribbing again..its been very fast, these 1.5 yrs. I have learnt a lot, academically wise, I am still struggling as ever. I have made a few good friends, who I hope will be friends for life.

And as I get back to the grind after a fulfilling 2 months of internship at Citibank Bahrain, it dawns on me that I might have just stayed for the last time at home in Bahrain. It crushes me inside, and I still dont care a lot for the happenings at b-school. Finance is all about sentiments, we sit on the threshold of a tough placement season. My grades arent great either, and neither am I popular with the ladies. This is unlikely to change. Talk of change which is not going to set in this case.

My room is a mess, I have a truckload of dirty clothes and a dhobi who just refuses to take them. I am still confused if this is what I wanted to do, and the future is pretty unsure. Just give me things on a platter and I will be the happiest person on the planet. People hate that, they want to try on their own and achieve zillions. I am content most of the times, otherwise, I want to be the richest most famous most loved most idolised person tomorrow, just in one snap. I hate the working part, I have been lucky thusfar, I pray to God to keep the good times going. I want to change, do things differently, more organized, mosr MBAish type, but am still not cut out for it, still too lazy. I have struggled to make ends meet with all the qizzes and assignments and tests, I could have done things better, but i just dont seem to care enough. Deep down, I cherish each of these unsure moments. They will never come back.

This is not a discussion on a shelved RAM GOPAL VARMA project with the same name, nor am I qualified enough to talk about the Physics behind the actual concept. That is reserved for Stephen Hawking.

Sometimes, you just wish the moment stays, time would just stop. Its like on an extremely cold morning with a thick blanket wrapped around you when you have slept at 3 in the morning with your mom calling out on you to wake up and get ready for school, you just dont want to, you just wish time would come to a halt..but surprise..it doesnt..

Then again, you have had awesome vacations. Many people would agree with me on this one. The entire vacations, you are busy, enjoying, doing all kinds of stuff, sleeping just 4 hours a day (when you dont have to study, who needs to sleep). Then comes the last day, and thats when you want to compensate for the entire vacation, you want to sleep the whole day. That is the time when you want the sun to stay up forever, but alas, what goes up has to come down, I dont say that..the law of averages does..
And about sleeping the whole day the last day, that doesnt happen either. When two Hitlers (they had just one then in the 40s), (Hitlers for some, parents for others) stand up and give instructions..pack your bags, get ready, sleep early..you have to be fresh in school tomorrow, you just wish someone would blow up your school (and not your parents, no bomb is good enough)..but that doesnt happen either..and mind you, this is not my story..

To SOME people, the moment is the day the results are announced. To all the people I know, I say I put a lot of emphasis on the word SOME. Generalizing, it would be exam results. To many others, they just wish the day disappeared from the calendars..But alas, like all other tragedies in life and like the ones mentioned above, even that doesnt happen.

The post is getting long, and only bad things have happened to school going people till now..Even we went to school, didnt we???and it wasnt half as bad as this person has made it out to be in the post so far..He is mad..Leave him..

When you stay with a group of people for some time, you just tend to get used to them, you enjoy their company. They may or may not be your types, but then there always is some level of comfort with them. They know you, you know them..
Something else happens in school, people dont know what a career is..A majority just studies to satisfy parents, many would agree with me on this one, and many of our school toppers wont..So wat happens is that all are like sheep..bhole bhale se..They have time for each other. Something like this doesnt happen during graduation, everyone is busy charting out their future plans, which is exactly what should be done, and which is exactly what sets a school apart from a college.

So till the next post in this TIME MACHINE series comes up, enjoy..